Dear Cosmo: I’m lost in Wyoming. Yours, Denver.

Dear Cosmo,

When the latest issue of your magazine arrived, I ripped out page 42, scrambled into my car and sped eagerly toward Manland with nothing but my naughty lingerie in tow.

I knew from your article that I’d find thousands of hunks swaggering along the roadside, waiting eagerly to whisk me away to the nearest jewelry store.

What a dream!

I followed your map exactly, knowing that I’d find my star in Denver, the nearest star in Manland. Somehow, though, I ended up in Kaycee, Wyo., population 249.

I stopped at Taylor’s Invasion Bar, and the nice people there said Denver was 289 miles south of Kaycee in a whole different state. I’m afraid I looked startled because they encouraged me to study up on my non sequiturs and ask for a free hat when I crossed the state line. Huh?

Help, Cosmo! What should I do? Wyoming has some amazing scenery and I know you told me that country boys are better endowed than city boys, but I wanted Denver.

Please, Cosmo! I believed you when you said I should avoid the Santa Pasties and the Naughty Nutcracker outfit. I just loved your Stupid Bachelor Tricks video, and when I saw your article on how to lose weight while watching TV, I thought, “How perfect!”

But, Cosmo, please. If you can’t tell the difference between Wyoming and Colorado, how am ever to trust you when you tell me you know the perfect spot for a vibrator?

Might this be one of the daring new positions you refer to in your Sexy New Year’s Resolutions?

Signed,

Betrayed

P.S. I’ll bet some guy made that map. Guys never ask for directions.

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