An ad with three — that’s right, three! — lessons in one

iPad case that isn't

From the world of online deals comes this marvel: the world’s smallest iPad case.

That’s right, folks. This case is so small that it shrinks your iPad to the size of an iPhone. It’s so small that you can Photoshop it onto a picture of a skier and make it look totally fake.

But wait! There’s more!

For no additional charge, you’ll get two – count ’em, two – lessons in style and punctuation!

First, you’ll learn how not to use a semicolon.

A semicolon, after all, works much the same way as a period: It connects two independent clauses while signaling a connection between them. It’s also handy when you want to clarify sentences that have more than one series of descriptions. You’ll see this most often in obituaries, like this:

The shrunken iPad is survived by a sister, the iPad Mini of Cupertino, Calif.; five brothers, the iPhones 5, 4S, 4, 3 and 2, also of Cupertino; and a cousin, the iPod Touch, who lives somewhere near a strong wi-fi signal.

You don’t want a semicolon to introduce a noun, a phrase, a clause or a list. In that case, you want a comma or, if you really want to emphasize something, a colon, as in this sentence: Protect your most treasured toy: your iPad.

Next, you’ll learn the importance of consistency, even if that means – gasp! – breaking a rule.

You heard me right. You won’t find snowproof in a dictionary, but when you use it alongside rainproof, you’ll want to make it a single word so people don’t stop and say, “Hmm. I wonder why rainproof is one word and snow proof is two words?” and be so distracted that they forget to buy the world’s smallest iPad case.

This incredible deal won’t last long, so call now. Our operators are standing by, snickering at you as they wait.

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