Legislature votes to ban words ‘moderate’ and ‘education’

Quill pen

TOPEKA – In a move expected to reverberate across the United States, the Kansas House voted today to ban the words “moderate,” “tax” and “education” from any dictionary sold in the state.

Gov. Sam Brownback said he was eager to sign the bill, which passed the Senate on a party-line vote last week.

“The moderates held this state hostage for generations,” Brownback said at a news conference. “They passed bills that taxed residents in moderation and gave the money to an education system hell-bent on teaching kids to think. By eliminating these words from our vocabulary, we will move one step closer to a common sense feudal system that will allow the hard-working wealthy to keep all their money and help us stop the travesty of critical thinking among our young.”

He has scheduled a signing ceremony at Koch Industries headquarters in Wichita.

Brownback said he was disappointed that the bill failed to include a provision that would have required all dictionaries to list the word “fealty” at least once on every page. The fealty provision was included in a separate bill that would change the title of the governor to “Lord.”

Brownback said he expected legislators to approve that bill during the May wrap-up session.

Similar bills are expected to be approved soon in at least a dozen other states.

In related action, the GOP-dominated Senate voted along party lines to reset the Kansas calendar to 1813, with a provision that would give counties the option to move even further into the past.

Senate President Susan Wagle, R-Wichita, said the bill would allow the state to “return to a simpler time when everyone was a true conservative and theocracy was the law of the land.”

When told that theocracy had never been part of American heritage, and that in 1813 Kansas was a territory inhabited primarily by tribes such as the Kiowa, Kansa, Osage and Pawnee, Wagle said, “Is this one of those education tricks?”

Brownback said he would happily sign the calendar bill “with a new quill and a fresh bottle of ink.”

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