The judge: A high-strung man wearing a black robe
The bailiff/electrician: A vacant-looking man wearing a hard hat and rubber gloves, and clutching a pair of yellow-handled wire cutters
The court reporter: A quiet woman with keen ears and fast fingers
The professor: Unseen because he’s locked in a laptop case
The student: An overly avid texter walking near 13th and Louisiana streets
The QuickWire Courtroom
Judge: Bailiff, prepare to clear the professor.
Bailiff: Yes, your honor.
Judge: Are you ready, professor?
Judge: I’ll take that as a yes. Bailiff, clear!
Bailiff: Which wire do I cut, your honor?
Judge: How should I know? You’re the one who went to electrical school.
Bailiff: I got my degree online. I never learned about battery charges.
Judge: Just cut one of the wires already!
Bailiff: (eyes closed, teeth clenched) Here goes.
Flash! Sizzle! Pop!
Judge: Oh, no.
Bailiff: Your honor?
Judge: Bailiff, please clean up the mess from this laptop case.
Judge: Just throw it out the back door when no one’s looking.
Court reporter: What will we tell the press, your honor? People will ask, you know.
Judge: We’ll tell them that we cleared the professor we found in the laptop battery case. That is true.
Student: (after calling 911) I’d like to report a battery.
Anthony, co-worker across the hall from me: People know what they’re saying when they write headlines like that, don’t they? I mean, they’re just trying to be funny, right?
Judge: Next case!