Indirection

This means slipping in facts as if the reader already knew them, as in: “James Smith made history today. The 24-year-old ate 463 jelly doughnuts in two hours, 20 minutes. The Shawnee resident was taken to the hospital afterward.”

We make no connection between James Smith, the 24-year-old and the Shawnee resident, leaving readers to figure it out for themselves. It’s like trying to connect A to C without going through B. Better:

“James Smith made history today. Smith, a 24-year-old Shawnee resident, ate 463 jelly doughnuts in two hours, 20 minutes. He was taken to the hospital afterward.” (See Bremner’s entry “Who he?”)

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