It’s time to close the door on ‘going green’

I know of only two ways to go green in the bathroom.

And if I find myself going green in either of those ways, I’ll probably call a doctor.

Then again, maybe I’m not creative enough in the bathroom.

For instance, with a quick Google search, I found “6 Ways to Go Green in Your Bathroom” (I wouldn’t want to try that in someone else’s bathroom either), the “Top Ten Ways to Go Green in the Bathroom in 2009” (you, too, can go yearly!) and “11 Ways to Go Green in Your Kitchen and Bathroom” (personally, I prefer the bathroom for such matters, but apparently people are branching out).

I was reassured by the headline below. The more I thought about it, though, the more I wondered about the bathroom being “a great place to start.” Just what are these people implying?

I discovered a site promising that I could “Go Green in the Bathroom Without Spending Money.” Good. I never liked pay toilets anyway. There were also several sites with headlines like this: “How to Go ‘Green’ in the Bathroom. As if somehow, the quotation marks (wink, wink) made going green in the bathroom less objectionable.

The one below is perhaps my favorite. I’m not sure whether the leaf is a result of going green or whether it’s an offering to someone who has gone green. Or, it could be covering something up after … Wait! Stop right there. I don’t want to know. I do not want to know.

Amid all the clichés, I actually did find a site that said going green might not be a reason to panic. It could just be a sign of ingesting lots of green food. (Burp!) After all, babies go green all the time.

My advice is to use balance in choosing foods and in choosing words.

In the word category, “going green” has moved into the realm of clichés. Given what I’ve found, that realm is probably in the bathroom, and I’m sure that someone has written about 12 ways to extract it. I say shut the door and leave it alone, though.

And no, I’m still not going to think about what might be under that leaf.

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